SLAYERS SCHOOL
by Wacky Dragon
Summary: What happens if the Slayers are in school? ---and NO. Not as the students, if you were thinking that. What if they are the..*horror music clicks on* TEACHERS. And no, this is not a cruel joke! SUPPOSED-to-be-funny Short story fic, please R&R!!


Disclaimer: I don't own the Slayers characters!  
  
This is a weird story of the Slayers group in school---And, no! They are not students, they are the...*horror movie music turns on* TEACHERS. Yes, the STUDENTS are the VICTIMS when it's usually vice-versa...  
  
  
~~~Slayers School~~~  
  
The bell rung loud, echoing through the halls and through the yards of green grass that surrounded the school. High school students scurried down the hall, chattering away until they met their classrooms.  
  
  
MS. LINA INVERSE'S CLASS (Quick-tempered, quick-to-give-detention, fiery teacher): Room 219, First floor (it is necessary to be on the 1st floor because too many students that insulted THIS petite teacher got thrown out the window)  
  
~~~Elective Class~~~  
  
~~~AP Psychology~~~  
  
  
Lina-sensei: All right, class, get out your pencils and a piece of paper---pop quiz!  
  
Class's quick protest: But this is the first day of school!!  
  
Lina-sensei: Your point being what??? *glaring at the students' protest*  
  
Class: -_-; *collective sweat-drop*  
  
Lina-sensei: This is AP Psychology, folks--you've always got to be prepared for any kind of case! Whether it be a nut case or suicidal case! ^_~  
  
Class: *yet another collective sweat-drop*  
  
One male student: Is it MRS. or MISS., sensei?  
  
Lina-sensei: None of your business, kid, now sit down and get out what I told you to get out.  
  
Male student *sits down*: It must be Miss...  
  
Lina-sensei: Grrrrr... *sees window open, idea pops into her head*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
MS. AMELIA WIL TELSA SAILLUNE (Justice-obsessed teacher, runs over a Justice club after school): Room 412, Second Floor  
  
~~Mandatory 11th or 12th grade History Class~~  
  
~~~Present and Historical Government~~~  
  
Amelia-sensei *extreme enthusiasm*: Welcome, children!!   
  
Class's grumble (it's 8:00 is the morning--you know you want more sleep!): Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei.  
  
Amelia-sensei: In this class, I will teach you the rights and wrongs that were made in the past! And the rights that will be made for the future!!! *Dramatic pose, pointing finger to the sky..er, I mean ceiling...*  
  
Class *half-awake*: ... ... ... ...  
  
Amelia-sensei: It's all about JUSTICE, children! JUSTICE!! J-U-S-T-I-C-E! *writes each letter large on chalkboard*   
  
Students: .... .... ....  
  
Amelia-sensei: Now! Who wants to be the first to tell their "What Justice Means to Me!" essay that was assigned during summer?!!? *dramatic flames appear around teacher*  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
MR. GOURRY GABRIEV (By a miracle, he is a teacher and not a janitor): Room: 111 *simple numbers are best for this fellow*, First Floor  
  
~~Elective Science Class~~  
  
~~~Marine Science~~~  
  
Gourry-sensei: Hey, there, class!  
  
Class: Konnichiwa, sensei!  
  
Gourry-sensei: You'll be learning about all sorts of animals in my class! Dogs, cats, hamsters...  
  
One female student: Errrr...sensei?  
  
Gourry-sensei: parrots, erm spiders, maybe..? Huh? Oh, yes?  
  
Female student: Isn't this MARINE science? Shouldn't this be an underwater animal research class?  
  
Gourry-sensei: ...oh! I forgot! ^_^;  
  
Class: *collective sweat-drop* ... ... ...  
  
Gourry-sensei: Now to begin class--Marine Science class, heh heh--we'll first talk about the most EXTRAORDINARY sea creature alive!!  
  
Class: *anticipates*  
  
One male student: Is it the Sting Ray?!  
  
One other male student: Or the Great White shark, sensei?!  
  
One female student: Or beautifully exotic tropical fish, sensei?  
  
Gourry-sensei *proud expression*: No, no...it's...THE..JELLYFISH!  
  
Class: *collective fall, all students collapse onto the floor* ... ... ...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
MR. ZELGADISS GRAYWORDS (scariest, hardest, and Can-Make-Students-Cry teacher): Room 421, Third Floor *the farther away from other people, the better.*  
  
~~Mathematics~~  
  
~~~AP Calculus~~~  
  
Small class, mainly all Seniors: Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei!  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: Yes, yes, now before we begin class I am to tell you that this is the hardest mathematical class that you ever had in your little lives in high school---if you think you already faced the hardest classes because you think you're oh, so smart, prepared to be extremely shocked.  
  
*room seems to grows colder and darker*  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: I suspect that most, if not all, will fail this class because this is THE most challenging class you will ever have because I, Zelgadiss Graywords, is your teacher.   
  
Class: *gulp*  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: If a few of you "magically" succeed in getting a passing grade---I'm sure that you'll be relieved and be very ready for college and for those who might fail---tough luck and good luck in college. You'll need it.  
  
Many of the students in the class: O_O;;  
  
A few of the students: T_T *lips trembling*  
  
The few students break down into a fit of tears from emotional stress.  
  
Zelgadiss-sensai *talks over the loud sobs*: Now let's begin class---*turns to the chalkboard and picks up chalk* I suggest you take notes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
MS. FILIA UL COPT (12th grade French Teacher that is known to insult and curse ever-so fluently): Room 665 *trying to get another classroom--far, far away from Xelloss Metallium*, Third Floor  
  
~~Foreign Language~~  
  
~~~AP French 5~~~   
  
Filia-sensei: Bonjour, classe! (Good morning, class!) Get a partner, you'll be telling each other about yourselves in full detail ONLY IN FRENCH.  
  
Class: Oui, Professeur! (Yes, Teacher!)  
  
Filia-sensei: Now----  
  
There is a knocking at the door...  
  
Filia-sensei: Oh! That must be the guest speaker! Now, class, be polite and pay attention! Compris? (Understood?)  
  
Filia opens the door and...  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Pourquoi, bonjour, Filia! (Why, hello, Filia!)  
  
Filia-sensei: NAMAGOMI!! *slams the door in the violet-haired teacher's face*  
  
Class: O_o; *everyone stares*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: *eyebrow twitches* AHEM. Filia-san, I advise you to open the door---I have news about your guest speaker.  
  
Filia-sensei: *reluctantly opens the door and glares at the "namagomi"* What is it, Xelloss-san?  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Well, Madame Chantalle Dupont cannot make it to your class. *smiles mysteriously*   
  
Filia-sensei: *grabs Xelloss by the neck and lifts him slightly in the air* WHAT DID YOU DO TO LADY CHANTALLE DUPONT?!!?!  
  
Xelloss-sensei: ^_^ *hanging in the air, a few inches off the ground by the blond-haired teacher's hands*   
  
Filia-sensei: I swear if you did anything I'm going to kick your-------!!!  
  
Class: O_O;;  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Yare, yare! You don't want to look bad in front of your lovely class, ne?   
  
Filia-sensei: *eyebrow twitching* Stop bothering my class, namagomi. *says this through her clenched teeth*  
  
One female student: I heard those two teachers were dating. *whispers it to her friend in the desk next to her*  
  
Other male student: Yeah--I heard lots of rumors about that...  
  
Upon hearing this, Xelloss smirked as an idea came into his head.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh! And what about our date tonight, Filia-CHAN? We'll meet at your apartment, right? Oh, wait...you're a bit too loud, not that I don't mind ^_~ ---let's meet at my home, ne? *cracks open one eye and smirks*  
  
Class: *EVERYONE stares* O_O *mouths are hung open*  
  
Filia-sensei: *her face turns seven hundred different blushes of red*  
  
Filia-sensei: *lets go of Xelloss and he promply falls onto the floor* THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN!!! THAT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED!! Don't listen to this idiot, class!! *points to the mazoku ever-so helpfully*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh, now, Filia-CHAN, don't be so bashful!   
  
Filia-sensei: MONSTRE! PERDANT! PERVERTI! (MONSTER! JERK! PERVERT!) Vous etes une creature mauvaise!! Laissez-moi seul!!! (You're an evil creature! Leave me alone!)  
  
Xelloss-sensei: *sighs* Oh, your love is just too much, Filia-chan! *gets up and kisses her on the cheek*  
  
Female students: Awwwwwwwwwwww!  
  
Xelloss Fan Club Girls: *glaring daggers, eyes glowing red* Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...  
  
Filia-sensei: AHHHHH!!!  
  
Her scream is heard throughout the school, but no one bothers with it...they know its Xelloss and Filia fighting. A natural, common occurence.  
  
Filia-sensei: EWW! Partez! Laissez-moi seul!!! Sortez de ma vue! Sortez de ma vue avant que je vous detruise! (Get away!! Leave me alone! Get out of my sight! Get out of my sight before I kill you!)  
  
Filia kicks Xelloss across the hall and into his own classroom (To Filia's misfortune, their classes are from across each other).  
  
Filia-sensei: NAMAGOMI! I HATE YOU!! JE VOUS DETESTE!  
  
Xelloss-sensei: I love you, too, Filia-chan!! ;P  
  
Filia-sensei: *slams door so hard that the lockers in the hall rattle*  
  
Class: O_O  
  
Filia-sensei: *suddenly calm* Now, let's begin! Go get a partner, everyone!  
  
Class: o_o;  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
MR. XELLOSS METALLIUM (12th grade Language and History teacher in Latin---also is gifted to annoy the hell out of everyone in the Teachers Staff), Room 666 (cough! devil's number. cough cough!), Third Floor *conveniently close to Filia and Zelgadiss--negative emotions are oh, so sweet ^_~ *  
  
~~Foreign Language~~  
  
~~~AP Latin 4~~~  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Konnichiwa, minna-san!   
  
Class: Konnichiwa, sensei!  
  
A few females from the Xel Fan Club: *sighs, pink hearts float around*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Now, class, I'll be teaching you the language as well as the history of the language Latin! I'm sure you'll enjoy the history and mythologies of the Roman/Greek language! To see where they screw up in the past is so fun to laugh at! Now, any questions?  
  
One female student: Are you going to make this a hard class, sensei?  
  
One male student: Do you believe in detention?  
  
One male student: Do you like my new haircut, sensei?  
  
One female student: Is Latin the devil's language?  
  
One female student: Are you in love with Lina Inverse-sensei or Filia Ul Copt-sensei?  
  
Xelloss-sensei *comfortable with all questions and answers in order*: Of course. Yes. No. Oh, the devil tries to get all kinds of fame, doesn't he? And to that last question...  
  
Class: *anticipates*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: That..is a secret!  
  
Class: *sighs in disappointment*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Now if you all go into silly personal questions, you know my answer will always be---- *gets interrupted*  
  
Class:*grumbles* That is a secret.  
  
Xel Fan Club: *sighs and swoons*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh, I'm so glad we're getting to know each other already! Now to begin class, we will discuss your essays "Who is the most interesting mythological creature/being?" that you had over the summer. Now we'll begin with the girl with that bad haircut over there  
  
Bad-haircut Girl: I chose Circe, enchantress and goddess that tried to seduce Odyseuss  
  
Boy: I chose Medusa, evil creature with snakes on her head, turning people to stone.  
  
Girl: I chose the Sirens, the beings that looked and sang with such beauty, but lead to sailors to their deaths.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: From what I have heard so far, there are a lot of infamous, evil people/creatures that you all chose as the most interesting! Has ANYONE chose someone of a good-heart and heroic deeds?  
  
Class: ... ... ... *silence*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: No one chose the angelic seers or the good-hearted, justice-loving Heros?  
  
Class: .... .... *more silence*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh, excellent! We'll have all the more fun!  
  
  
MRS. MARTINA SOMETHING-SOMETHING(I forgot her name---teacher who is obsessed over a make-believe God, somehow passed school herself. Had many, many unsuccessful relationships before she (finally) got married): Room 218 *To Lina's misfortune, they are across from each other*, First Floor  
  
~~Elective Religion Class~~  
  
~~Religion~~  
  
Martina-sensei: You'll be learning about an ALMIGHTY GOD in this class, as well as some other puny religions----THE Lord Zoemelgustar (or however the hell you spell that ridiculous name)!!!!  
  
Class *crickets chirping*: ... ... ...  
  
Martina-sensei: DOESN'T ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?!!  
  
A student: Errr---this is Biology Class...I think you have the wrong class, sensei.  
  
Martina-sensei: Oh...well...that doesn't matter! Because of Lord Zoemelgustar, I KNOW ALL.  
  
Class: *silent doubt* ... ... ...  
  
Martina-sensei: Okay, children, throw any question at me!  
  
One student: Um, how were rocks formed?  
  
Martina-sensei: Lord Zoemelgustar made them!  
  
Other student: What is DNA made out of?  
  
Martina-sensei: Zoemelgustar's powers!!  
  
Students: ... ... ...  
  
One student: Does that thing even exist?  
  
Martina-sensei: YOU---YOU DARE TO CALL ZOEMELGUSTAR A THING!?!??!!?   
  
Class: -_-;;  
  
  
AT THE END OF THE DAY...  
  
Martina-sensei: Now where is my classroom...? *walks around aimlessly*  
  
~~~~  
  
Amelia-sensei: How was your class, Lina-san?  
  
Lina-sensei: How those kids are always unprepared, complaining about my pop quiz...for gods's sake, it was only 40 questions!  
  
Amelia-sensei: Eh...but..it's the first day of school...  
  
Lina-sensei: Oh, don't you start with me, too!!  
  
Amelia-sensei *sees Zelgadiss walk out of the school*: Zelgadiss-san! How was your day?  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: Only two students dropped out of my class and only a few cried out of stress...it went fairly well.  
  
Lina-sensei: You're too hard on your class, Zel.  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: I wouldn't be talking if I were you, Lina.  
  
Lina-sensei: Ha ha ha...oh, be quiet.  
  
Xelloss goes flying out a window and lands just at Lina's feet, broken glass comes raining down. Zelgadiss simply holds a portfollio over his head, Lina and Amelia doing the same.  
  
Xelloss-sensei *looks up*: Why, hello, Lina-san!  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: What did you do to Filia this time, moron?  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh, the usual.  
  
Lina-san: You keep breaking windows---that'll take a toll on your paycheck, you know.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Ah, that's quite all right. As if they pay me enough anyway, ne?  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: You shouldn't be allowed in this school.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Oh, you don't mean that, Zelgadiss-kun!   
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: *eyebrow twitches and stamps his foot on Xelloss's head once* It's Zelgadiss-SAN to you! And I DO mean it! What I would give to never see you again...  
  
Filia-sensei: *throws a briefcase out the already-broken window* You forgot something, NAMAGOMI!!  
  
Briefcase lands squarely on Xelloss's head.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: *sighs in content as stands up and takes the briefcase off his head* Oh, you all know that this school wouldn't be the same without me!  
  
Lina-sensei: *rolls eyes*  
  
Amelia-sensei: *looks away* I suppose...................well, have a good day, everyone! See you tomorrow!  
  
Zelgadiss-sensei: Yes, yes. *waves hand carelessly and walks away in another direction, a lone wind passes him by*  
  
Lina-sensei: Oh, that damn Drama club must be snooping around here...  
  
Amelia-sensei: Oh...*looks at Zelgadiss walking away* someday...  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Someday, WHAT? Oh, is Amelia-san thinking inapproriate things?  
  
Amelia-sensei: *blushes brilliant red* O-O-OF COURSE NOT! BYE, LINA-SAN, XELLOSS-SAN!! *runs off in record time*  
  
Lina and Xelloss walk together to their cars.  
  
Lina-sensei: I don't know, Xelloss, the world would seem peaceful without you.  
  
Xelloss-sensei: But that wouldn't be very fun, now would it?  
  
Lina-sensei: I guess---well, we all need to take our anger out at somebody. *stops at her car*  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Am I that special to you, Lina-chan? *pecks her lips with a kiss*  
  
Lina-sensei: *blushes red and locks him in a headlock* D-don't do that!!  
  
Xelloss-sensei: Itai...Ahhh, a little more to the left---Now they don't approve of Student-Teacher relationships, but since we aren't----------  
  
Lina-sensei: *blushing deep red* Don't start that!! Let me oblige you and give you lift home!!! *kicks Xelloss, making him fly far, far away in a distance* SOMETIMES I CAN REALLY HATE YOU, XELLOSS!!!  
  
Xelloss-sensei *calmly flies through the air*: You hate the ones you love, ne, my sweet Lina-chan?  
  
Lina-sensei: YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!! *kicks suitcase*  
  
Suitcase promply crashes into Xelloss's head the second time that day...  
  
  
**A weird little fic I did ^_^;; I was feeling weiiiiird today---that's what I get for eating my sister's cooking! And sorry, my french may not be that good...and I can't put up any accents on my computer. Please review!** 


End file.
